Finding myself

Greetings, in the name of Christ!

This past week, I was asked to write a short biography on myself…hahaha right!

And so I went on an adventure of writing something about myself, not a pleasant adventure I might add. The memories came flooding back and the nostalgia was overwhelming. I starting digging through all my old folders of photos, and news articles, reports and stories I wrote. My Facebook timeline history and old memory sticks to try and remember everything about myself.

Who was I back then?

The complete opposite of what I am now!

Writing this biography, was painful and filled me with regret. It was also thought provoking and forced me to re evaluate where I am now in my life.

It seams to me, that about 20 odd years ago, my passions and beliefs and what filled me with happiness, just died…

What has become abundantly clear to me, is that my current existence, is just that, an existence. I am not living the life God has planned for me. I may be breathing, but I am not alive.

Who was I, 20 years ago? I was passionate, and proactive, about everything I believed in. Nature, conservation, feeding the hungry, the protection of our wildlife, being physically active, experiencing everything to it’s fullest.

Then nothing, it all stopped, nearly overnight.

Ok, look, about 10 years ago, I tried flaming the old fire, and getting back into all the things I loved and believed in, and to some extent, I was mildly successful, but failed. As instead of just doing what needed to be done, I failed because I despaired of the lack of drive and involvement from others around me.

And in the last 4 years I have found a new love, and passion to fill my soul. But my self doubt and 20 years of spiritual and emotional death, still prevents me from fully engaging my passion for things that I believe in. This is something that I am working on, and with the help of God, the Holy Spirit within me, to ignite my flame and passion, I will rise again.

The biography, just brought forward what I have lost. I lost myself.

But I have found myself again, and will be getting to know myself again, this will take time. I am up for the journey.

I will share my biography here, as soon as I finished writing it.

See you all soon.

Vanda

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